Thursday, December 28, 2017

fall

back again after all these years.
updates are written proofs of how useless i actually am
what the actual fuck
am i doing with my goddamn life
the fact that i came here for almost a year
and never saved a cent
instead in debt
says a lot about me doesnt it
what a useless piece of shit
why dont you just fucking die already
what the fuck is your problem
what is your goal?
you dont have any
so why dont you just go to hell
where you can burn and worry about nothing
for fucks sake
why
why in the world
am i still alive
please
just kill me already

i give up alright
i really dont see the point of struggling?
in life, in relationships,
im just as shit
people like me
deserves nothing



lowest point of life? my arse
its always been the lowest.
ive never won shit.
i swear
one day
you will see my dead body on the news
and that would be the happiest moment of my entire  life

Monday, October 19, 2015

你想了結自己卻很在意很害怕自己不在了別人不但會取笑你還會說什麽難聽的話 
於是你什麽都不敢做。 
你恨不得就這樣從這個世界消失掉 
誰也不記得曾經有過你這麽一個人。
你每做一件事情 
即使只是呼吸都會想別人會怎麽看你。
你把時間都揮霍在別人的眼光上 
你不曾為你自己活過。
就算是現在,
你也害怕把這篇文章發了出來得到的回應會不會是別人的取笑、討厭。
你很想把這篇文章刪掉,可是你發了出來。
你只是個一無所處、空氣般的存在,並不會有人去在意你的死活。
你很可笑。我真希望自己不是這種人。
我希望自己可以積極一點 可以看開一點 可以多話一點 
可以外向一點 可以有自信一點 可以勇敢一點。
像白癡一樣 反正又是會被討厭了吧。
發了出來會得到的回應反正又是
“生命是父母給你的為什麽不要珍惜“ 
“父母養了你那麽多年你這樣他們會心疼“ 
我知道 我也不想的啊 
從小學開始這個問題就已經浮現了 
我已經盡全力去改變了 
可是很多事情並不是想改就改得掉的 
我很想死 真的很想 
為什麽要把我生出來呢
 我沒有選擇的權利 
一開始就把我殺掉不就好了
 為什麽要讓我活著 
把我的生命留給那些想要活著的人不好嗎

 為什麽是我

Sunday, April 5, 2015

最近

兩年了。
一切早已物是人非
轉了一個大圈卻又回到了原點。
從消極變得開朗
現在又墜落了。
其實我從來沒開朗過吧。
一直都只是自己在騙自己。
之前不是希望大家都忘了自己的存在嗎?
好了如今你的願望實現了
可是怎麽你還是一點都不開心?
人類真是復雜的生物。
自己的靈魂被困在這種驅殼裏我還能怎樣。
現在我的存在就像灰塵一樣
不被需要的存在
可有可無的存在
就算哪一天我突然消失了也不會有人擦覺到吧。
是不是把這個驅殼毀掉的話靈魂就自由了呢






Saturday, September 13, 2014

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

我只是個小透明所以不管怎麽付出都不會有人察覺到的。
明明一直都很在意專頁的事情的是我。明明是我。
怎麽了我。怎麽了這種想哭的感覺
我好卑微。哈哈哈哈哈。

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Fragile dreams.

我的每個部分都像泡沫一樣  隨碰即碎。

How nice it'd be if I could just disappear in a flash.


How nice it'd be if I wasn't me.

How nice it'd be if I could crush everything right now




time will forget phrases and faces.



誰だって同じだからさあ。どれだけ大切な人でも直ぐに私の事キライになっちゃう。
私、話が少ないから。こんな事あんまり得意くないから。
だからさあ。私を離れてって。独りなら。誰でもいないなら。何もないなら。これでいい。
私も。何でも同じだ。近付けったら直ぐに飽きてって。
例え私でも。こんな自分がキライだ。

コ.ロ.シ.テ






Saturday, February 15, 2014

krst


This song express all my feelings now. 

Sorry but, I'm just a weird little fucking kid that nobody likes.


Somebody just take me away already. 
Anywhere far away from this world I'm living in.


It's like I'll destroy everything I have 
or everything I love. 
It's probably a curse.


「有人疼,沒有人喜歡流浪。少點自由,本來就是心甘情願。」                                                                                                                                       ——— 小恩                        




I'm just something that can be easily replaced, right?
yeah.



Nobody ever needs me anyway.
I'm just a nuisance.
Just kill me already. okay?

Don't mind about me
cause I'll be okay after this.


Give me a dog or something
that I can hug and talk to

さみしい




好吧
所以說我不需要啊,家人什麽的對我來説不過是麻煩的東西而已。 

。我不跟你們吵了。不吵了我。反正說了也是一樣的對吧。
你明白什麽?你知道什麽?你在乎麽?你在乎的根本不是我吧?
有苦衷。是啊。是這樣麽。這樣的話你們乾脆別把我帶到這個世界上就好了啊。
幹嗎要費力費錢把我給生出來把我養大然後又不讓我做我想做的事情?
算了。浪費力氣。家人?開什麽玩笑。
這樣的東西就算沒有了我可以很肯定地說我還會活得好好的。
我可以很肯定地說我的生活是被你們毀了。
還有我可以很肯定地說我會毀掉你們的生活。

我是獨居生物啊。有人在身旁就會渾身不自然啊。




分割分割分割分割分割分割分割分割分割分割分割分割分割分割分割

skipskipskipskipskipskipskipskipskipskipskipskipskipskipskipskipskipskipskipskip




Fuck this shit I'm wasting my life studying in this school.

Secondary school should be fun and crazy and something tanoshii and ureshii

but what they have here is just

FUCKING SANJIKENS and boredom and boredom and FUCKING SANJIKENS and nerds and tsumaranai

wtf is wrong with this school man it sucks.

The point is THERE'S NO OTAKU FANDOM HERE LIKE SRSLY

I mean they have it but like 10 of them in this whole school

and they're not in the chinese fandom

NON OF THEM

YOU SERIOUS BRO you're not my bro WTF? IT'S SO DAMN BORING I'M GONNA DIE

there's no chikan and nobody's using weibo except for me wtf

nobody will understand what I'm talking about if they're not using weibo orz

nobody will go crazy shipping otps with me or go crazy shopping together

or go crazy cosing our otps together or going crazy over charas like Eren together

or do stupid crazy things in the class with me or talk bout eroi yaoi stuff with me or draw eroi stuff with me

or freakin make a freakin doujin with me this one's not gonna happen cuz..(ry nevermind LOL

SAMISHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

just bring me to taiwan or japan or china for the sake of my seishuun

WITH ALL THESE SANJIKENS AROUND ME IT'S SO DAMN BORING

I'LL GO LIKE EREEENNNNN MY TENSHIII AND THEY'LL BE LIKE ...wtf is wrong with you

OKAY FINE I'M NOT GONNA TALK ANYMORE BYE

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THINGS HERE OKEI MY LIFE HERE SUCKS